What will be, will be

Assalamualaikum and hi dear readers!

It has been quite long since my last entry. When there's too many things in your head, you should write. And if there's nothing going on in your head, you should read. And now, I really am in need of writing. 

I haven't been able to tell yguys yet, but I bet most of you have already received the news from my other social media platforms. After about 10 months of being funemployed, I am finally going to begin my first working experience ever in more or less 2 weeks' time, insyaAllah. 

God knows how anxious I was upon receiving 'the' email one day prior the opening of HOship application. After several months of thinking, revising the best options, and contemplating my priorities, I was ready to enter the battle, with 10 hospital options in my hand. I have discussed mostly with N, F and my parents of course, and I can already imagined working side by side with N & F (how comforting the thought was, and is still :() . Unfortunately, things happened, and we weren't destined to be together huhu.

The system was anticipated to crash, ever since it was introduced, duh. Mind you, before this online application exists, they used to apply manually, using written forms and whatnot (based on Yana's story). Alhamdulillah, eventhough I wasn't sure whether to apply from home or from a CC, I followed His lead, alhamdulillah. And alhamdulillah, I managed to fill in the form and clicked on my only option when Negeri Sembilan was selected. I have been reminding myself over and over again, that Hosp B might not be in the list, since the placement is always <10. To my surprise, upon clicking Negeri Sembilan, Hosp A was not even there ahha. I was left with Hosp B at 5 vacancies left. I clicked as fast as I can, and another unexpected 'attack' popped up! Suddenly we have to prove that we're not robots? And without notice I lose my ability to read the captcha code. And as He always knows what's best for me, He sent Mama to help me read the code and I was able to type it without mistakes, cause you know what happens when the code's wrong, right?

And the green pop-up screen appears! 

In just about 20 seconds filled with anxiety masked with calmness, I was able to download 1 out of 4 documents, that are supposed to be downloaded upon getting your HO placement. And 'puff', the system crashed, like it always did. 😒

I'm gonna blame everything else except for myself, when I decided to close the stuck tab 😵 I was confused. Did I get myself a placement or did my mistake puts me back to square 1? Luckily, we're updating one another in Whatsapp group, and everyone else were facing the same problem. But that didn't put me at ease either huhu. Every minutes passed, and our logins were to no avail. 20 minutes passed, and I was already in the state of que sera, sera. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. What will be, will be.

While waiting, I updated N about my situation. She had a similar case but wasn't able to reach the green pop up screen part huhu. After about 45 minutes of subsequent failures in logging in, the system finally was reachable. I was able to download all other 3 documents, and confirmed my doubt. I have got myself a placement in Hosp B with Syerah's help too, alhamdulillah. Strangely, I thought everyone was able to log into the system, after 45 minutes of trying. However, my other friend was only given access after 2 hours of trying allahu. Then, I realised it was His abundant blessings poured upon us again and again, alhamdulillah.

And now, I am constantly aware of 'the' date 😣. It's gonna be tough, but I am going to be okay insyaAllah amiin. If it could be of help, you too should try reading it out loud, the word of affirmations, before 'the' day. And again, que sera, sera. What will be, will be :))

Till God knows when I can write again😩

Pray for me yeah huhu. Assalamualaikum :)

What studying overseas makes me feel like?

Assalamualaikum and hi readers!!! Namaskar :))

The idea of writing this post comes from when I was so pleasantly reminded of the time I've spent in Belgaum, after watching Doctor G on Netflix. Unknowingly, after my graduation, I am always fond of watching Hindi movies. Because they remind me of the familiar environment I was in; how people communicate, the culture, the traffic, you name it, they're all too good to be forgotten. Mind you, I was not into Bollywood, before coming to India and for the major part of staying in it either. But I guess, the familiarity, the sense of having experienced the same thing, made Hindi movies and India felt like my second home. I mean, it really was, right? Haha

That was when a quote struck me right into my heart. I might've gain some, but I also lose some.

Do you get me when I say, the most brief thing that we have, is time? Because apparently nothing we do can change what has happened even a few seconds ago. The time I've spent in my primary school, isn't going to be repeated, and what I've experienced there, there's nothing parallel to it - no such thing as a parallel life okay? I can't fantasize what could've happened if my primary school is different right. And that's precisely what I cannot change; the time I've spent in Belgaum - and all the memories that comes with it. 

My final teen years and my early 20s were spent mainly in a land where almost everything is different from where I was brought up. The language, the food, the culture, the preferences, the social norms. Embracing the differences did take some time. But a second home, for more than 5 years? That's just more than enough to take it all in, accept, celebrate and sometimes I unconsciously promote Belgaum/India to others, haha funny aite? 

I could only recall living as a medical student with only one campus in the university compound, surrounded by Malaysians. The campus is just 3 minutes away from the hostel (especially if I needed to run for class). There's a stadium besides it, where I always look forward to their marching parade, every year, for India's Independence Day. And they're usually spectated from 5th floor - always on the day we have written exams. The hostel life though - is very well perceived (for me lah at least), though of course it has its own ups and downs. But the fun of it, is most likely because our friends' 'house' is just a few steps away from ours - and that's pretty much the 'bestest' part of living in a hostel. We have a very cool line of lecturers, both in Yellur and KLE Hospital. KLE Hospital is just a few minutes away, and conveniently distanced from the hostel. Going to Yellur is another case, where we're always on the bus (our own bus), or speeding with Auto's bhaiyas, or racing with our bikes. The maoshis, the meri bhetis, the briyanis, the naam kyas, the nehi maklums, the umr kitna heins, the kya problems. The what-are-you-doing-madams, the dont-you read-textbooks, the this-one-also-you-dont-knows, the when-is-your bus. Ahhh, I miss those!

And that's what makes me, me! I dare not change anything that has happened since afterall it was written by Our Best Author - The Almighty God.

But having said that, let me list out a few things that sometimes bug me, haha, just because I was curious of what-could've-been-if;

1. What if my university compound has several campuses/faculties, and I could've met so many people, make friends with a few and maybe I could find myself a potential spouse haha. Well, having learnt probability in Mod Math, it does makes me wonder sometimes ahah.
2. What if I was living in a rented house? How difficult could it be to search for a place to live in, what about the facilities, the bills, the housemates, the struggle of going to classes every day?
3. What if I've got myself into a local medical university? Would it be too stressful? Or would be a lil bit easier entering HOship since what we've been practicing is what we're going to do when working?
4. What if I didn't get into medical school? Would I be in teaching profession now? Or a nurse? Or someone in a uniform?
5. What if going home is a bi-monthly event and not an annual one? Could I've done better as a daughter, a sister, an aunt?

The phrase of- I could only recall - implifies that it's the only life I've been through from a teenager to a young adult. I cannot live a different life, or imagine being in a different life during the same period because it is what it is. We only live once, and we've gotta make sure it's the best life we're living in, insyaAllah.

Even when there's those moments where we're genuinely curious of what-could've-been-ifs, trust me, we're not getting anywhere with those thoughts. It's nothing wrong with having such questions, but getting carried away with the thoughts and trying to create an answer to it, could be damaging. And that is why certain things are beyond our incapable thinking. Some things are meant to - let 'em be. Let God and let them be. 

I might've gain some - various contrasting incredible experiences while in Belgaum, but I certainly have to lose some along the way.

1. There's no joint universities programs (like sports events, debate competition, NGOs participation opportunities between uni, we're living in quite a small circle hehe)
2. Less time with family, which always makes me feel sad for some reasons, but now that I have more time with them, I guess it's God's way to help me patch up those wounds.
3. Missing small & big events/moments with family, close friends. We all have that losing-friends-stage-of-life as we embark into another stage of life.
4. No opportunity to polish certain skills (driving skills, negotiation skills for house renting)
5. No experience clerking in local hospital settings, do all the common procedures because the system is in your favour (I mean in India, it's quite different- the things med students can do or allowed to do)

Undoubtedly, I couldn't re-live my teen and young adult years, but I am perfectly sure that I'll cherish all those unchangeable moments as they are. Belgaum really shaped me, grew me, grew on me (haha) and it will always be my second home. I do hope that I could go to the university one day, and look back to what have been a part of me, insyaAllah.

Sincerely from someone who's missing those good ol' times in Belgaum,

Shukriya,
Alin :)