My labour journey

Assalamualaikum and hi dear readers.

God knows how long I've been wanting to complete this writing and post it here, to my inexistent-but-I-love-it-the-way-it-is blog. It was since forever, trust me 😑 The thing is, time has never seemed like there's any to spare, and whether I hate it or not, I've started working, and that too a working mom? Pheww.

There really is a lot of things going on, but surprisingly, I've been looking forward to start writing like I used to. Which was too far-fetched when I was diagnosed with MDD. Even looking back at how gloomy that time was, is unpleasant and disturbing. Let's just pray there'll be no remission, amiin.

Anyhow, that was not what I intended to write and share with you today. Like all of you always knew (haha I bet you don't pun), I would have multiple drafts of writing, saved in my books or notes. And this one was really raw and fresh. And I genuinely wanted to share it with you, cause the emotions involved were HUGE and turbulent. I was in fact in a hurricane of emotions. Why? 

Because it was definitely a new experience for me (but will not be my last one, insyaAllah). And commemorating such an incredible experience here, would mean so much to me. Nothing more, nothing less.

But.

There's a but.

I'll try my best to make you feel like you're walking down my memory lane. I want to walk you through it, but I cannot promise you that it'll be 100% RAW.

So, let's get to it together! Psst, mind you, there might be mixture if languages here. Pardon me for it, but do enjoy this mind blowing adventure!

20/9/2025

0800H Noticed got pv spotting + irregular contraction

1230H Still got pv spotting (usually it comes and goes, but this time it persists, so that's a sign 🛑)

1330H Spotting still

1430H Decided to go to PAC hospital, thought can be discharged, cause contraction very rare, irregular and not painful at all. Tup2 VE 2 cm, cx 2cm, station -2, admitted for early labour. Here goes a lil bit of drama 🙃

Got no acute bed, or room for second class. I had to be in acute apparently cause got mdd on treatment. Didn't know that initially. Was placed at CTG bed, cause no bed available. 'The bed' that's used for daily CTG or mommies who require CTG. After an eternity later, got placed in hallway pula, cause no acute bed. Cases in acute pula, semua no window for stepping down, cause semua case dahsyat2, need continuous monitoring. In that hallway, there's no fans, what more airconditioner. Mind you, before pregnancy, I wasn't a fan of airconditioner, sebab sejuk gila. But having to grow my baby in my womb, my body adjusted, and I was always 'hot'. Lampu pula menyala sepanjang masa.

I politely requested to be in subacute, but got denied. MO didn't even see me in ward, just seen by HO, I guess. Protocol or not, but some people just lack empathy. I've never put in any requests, throughout my ward admissions, sebab tahu renyah & menyusahkan. But given the situation, if I am the MO in charge, I might've at least, pretended to care and see the patients, yang dah macam cacing kepanasan kat tengah2 laluan orang tu. My eczema isn't doing well too. It's either he/she was lazy or overworked, that's between he/she and God. If the sooner, I hoped he/she got the same treatment soon. If for the latter, hmm, can't say much

And then there's me. The emotional me. With all the pregnancy hormones, eczema flare ups (due to no fans at all), cannot even rest/sleep, sebab katil dekat hallway, tempat pelawat lalu lalang. Nak tanggal tudung, sah2 melampau, duduk pun kat tengah jalan, bukan ada langsir ke apa. Last2 my emotions burst, and I just did what I felt reasonable for my baby and I at that time. I went to sleep at 'ruang solat' in the ward. At least got some privacy, lights can be turned off, and got fan for God's sake. Sama je, they still cannot monitor me, but for the sake of documentation, my bed is not changed. 

2325H Maybe baby N could feel my overwhelming emotions too, so baby N let me sleep first, cause I was damnnn tired. Imagine carrying all the weight+emotions all alone from noon. My body definitely need some rest. Suddenly, I felt a strong kick down there. Baby N never kicked that hard. This was followed by feeling wet+warm on my panties, but I thought it was just another show. Tup2, SROM. Informed the nurses and patiently wait for my turn to VE. This time around, I could still breath normally, feeling relaxed. Not knowing what's gonna happen in a few minutes haha.

21/9/2025

0015H Finally, it was my turn for VE at ward. HO in charge VE got 4cm. She wants to reconfirm, she called SN, VE got 6cm. HO doubted the SN, cause she did look a bit fussy, called another HO, VE got 4cm. Then called another SN, VE got 5cm, sent to LR. Uish berkali2 diseluknya, bikin jalan buka cepat yaa belaka huwaa

0030H VE got 6cm at LR. The CTG + toco belt was damn tight huhu.

Subsequently, my contractions became regular, with indescribable labour pain. Makin lama makin kuat rasanya. Pusing kiri salah, pusing kanan salah. Pegang katil salah, pegang tangan suami salah. Tapi bersyukur sangat suami boleh ada teman, kalau tak mungkin boleh hilang akal. Maka bermulalah episod, baring mengiring untuk bantu buka jalan, diselangi contraction yang dahsyat. Saya pun berusaha meneran tapi agak lambat descend. CTG dah tak berapa lawa at second stage of labour. Ya lah, lama baby kat laluan tu.

Kena teran lagi sambil fundal pressure, tetaplah baby N di dalam lagi. Changed to litothomy position. Entah berapa kali terlepas tali pemegang, still no progress. Maternal exhaustion terasa begitu dahsyat. I've got literally no energy left. Then, suami diminta tunggu di luar sebab O&G team decided to proceed with vacuum delivery. Sikit lagi nak vacuum, vacuum already prepared, tapi Allah izinkan SVD with episiotomy, with one last push (which I didn't know where's the strength coming from wallahi). Nak tercabut nyawa time tu. Episiotomy tak rasa, tapi masa nak jahit, allahu seksa.

Progress +1cm hourly (which is good for primid) (and God knows how unbearable if it was longer huhu)

0344H Keluarlah seketul baby N - yang diberi nama Nasuha Haura 

Finally, I can complete this writing and post it! Lama sungguh menetap di bahagian draf. Hampir ditumbuhi kulat 😅

Anyways, I apologize if it's too raw, and censored parts were not enough. Just so you know, I have a few more drafts back in my notes - my pregnancy journey, my tandang ceremony, honeymoon, my gloomy days, postpartum rizq and so on. Besar kan cita-cita saya? Semuanya dalam bentuk draf yang insyaAllah akan dikongsi apabila saya ada masa untuk mencantikkan penulisan tersebut. Doakanlah ya. 

Fresh from oven, sayang takde gambar dalam balutan kain hijau hospital.
Ni gambar our first ride home as a family of 3 hee.
Mamababa pun masih terkejut masa ni tiba2 dah keluar Nasuha kuikui.

Till then, assalamualaikum 😁