Delusional December

Hi everyone! Asalamualaikum :D

Hehe, it's me again. Duh! Of course, it's me. I'm the only writer here (but with a few accounts lol)

I intended to write a post yesterday, just to celebrate my favourite month of any year haha. But, of course, I didn't manage to do so, and ended up writing on the very next day. Isn't that cool already? (self-proclaimed, as always)

My favourite month is here, but I don't have any expectation towards it. Because obviously, experience is our best teacher, don't you agree? It's just that I am a little aware of the start of December, because December reminds me of the end. The end of a year. Whether it's a good or a bad year, it's coming to an end. Whether or not I learnt anything throughout this 2020, it's coming to an end.

And to clearly state that 2020 is a ridiculous year, would be totally undeniable haha.
Anyways, if I had ever learnt anything in 2020, one of the most important lessons would be: know when to laugh. Period. (but pretty funny, ey?)

The above statement need no explanation. And even if some of you are curious about the meaning behind that statement, I 'm so sorry that I couldn't bring myself to tell you what it actually means.
Anyhow, that is one of my most important lessons of the year!

yay to 2020 !! woohoo

Onto the next section of the post (ecewah hehehe), I am going to share my thoughts and feelings I have towards this particular (blank). For 5 months, I was trying really hard to counter-attack my feelings, opinions just because I wanted to declare that all is well, and because I don't want to sound ungrateful with what I have currently. And suppressing 'em for 5 months, didn't do me good.

There's just so many biased decisions made, unheard and unattended queries, flowery and glittery sugar-coated words of advice, judgmental statements made, and the list goes on.
God knows how we were being treated, and I bet you wouldn't want to know how it was for us.

But this is when I actually realised that I am facing the real world. It's not because I'm being so pessimistic (and do know that I'm well-known to be an optimist) but because the cruel word is the reality. The ones you see on screen are just fairytales- like you all know (but sometimes need to be reminded of the fact).

This is also when I realised that no one actually cares for you -except your friends and family. Secondly, no one wants to go through difficult pathways for others' benefits, that's just absurd! Haha. No one wants to be of your interest, especially if it's business-related things. No one shows their true self to others, because by doing that, you're shrinking your circle of reach. Plus, only Allah knows all of our good and bad deeds. And finally, no one wants to be on your side, especially if they've nothing to gain/lose in the process - #harshtruthaboutreality

However, throughout this unthinkable period of 5 months, I've learnt that only Allah can provide you undivided love, enormous care even if He has nothing to gain/lose. Allah can provide you your best interest because even when you don't want to talk about it with anybody, He knew, He always knew. And guess what, even if He knows each and every sins/wrongdoings, He is still by your side, and He never leaves you, for whatever reason. And that just proves that we should not rely on one another or have any expectation of anyone but to have unadulterated faith towards Allah SWT.

No, I'm not trying to be religious here. God knows how unbelievably bad I am as His servant. But, I just wanted to emphasize that it is tiring to expect oneself to produce an outcome exactly like we want, and every seconds passed with resentment towards oneself, will just cost us our peace, stability. It's just not worth it! We have to live in the moment, enjoy what we have and need not be bothered by anything/anyone that's not worth our precious hearts and minds. Life's too short for that, huhu.

kerdil kan kita sebagai manusia ni?

For the last section of the post, I'd like to expose the real reason, of why I was hesitating to write about this in the first place. Frankly speaking, I was staying on one side, choosing not to be selfish and to take care of your feelings; my beloved and loyal readers. And I guess, I just wanted this whole sharing sessions with you guys can only sound positive, and by any means, avoid the negative ones. I wanted this blog or my writings to be somehow sugar-coating the harsh truth of reality. But after being through so much (compared to the previous 22 years of my drama-less life), maybe I just wanted a change. A good change, I hope. Because talking or sharing about reality is painful, but I believe it's going to be helpful/beneficial for myself and you too readers. Even if not for the time being, I'll be able to reread this post and be reminded of how strong I am and I was and I always will insyaAllah. Till then, buhbye <3