Phirmilenge Oddityx : A Night to Remember

Assalamualaikum people!!!!!

This post may be uploaded long after I started Semester 10, but do know that currently, while writing the first sentence of this post, I am just a day away from my last semester in medical school!! How exciting and terrifying too!!!

I bet that this post is not going to be long. But it will be full of pictures, because this blog is my go-to social media account. Reasons are : blogs are not that trendy these days, so I can somehow control my audience (ya ke?). Then, you (my beloved readers) visit my blog very rarely, like once in a blue moon, so I can be rest assured that my life stories are being publicized but again in a controlled manner. I mean, I want to be known but not well-known. I don't really fancy being in the spotlight, you see? Haha.

And now, presenting to you, our most memorable dinner (held during pandemic, but all participants had received complete 2 doses of vaccine) --> Phirmilenge Oddityx! Let's give it a round of applause 👏 👏👏  

bidadariku perform!!!
tahniah bb <3

I still am pleasantly surprised!!
yguys are jjang!!

these two pun allahu haha, lain maciam outfit nyaa

husna tanya mana partner dia? where you at, seriously.

afina bidadari solehah

baju che nur cantikkkkkk

with maharani of the night

huyahhh sapa je tak kalih 2 kali oemjii

cantiknyaaa you both <3

loving my outfit!! sempat la merasa jadi orang sini sat

gambaq senget tapi takpalah,
one with ma gurls aka bakal besan i

one with m2j

one with the witnesses of my final year struggles uhuk

cantiknya oemjiii, tapi dah x available kayy

one with kak oni, our outfits matchy2 hehe

one with kerabat, tq jaa kalau tak kerana kamu,
 tak merasa i duduk marriot huhu

I was amused by the pose haha.
Nazira excited duduk tingkat 3 katanya

one with bidadari iekaa

one with my forever bidadari suhailah,
MAJORR LOVEEE <3333

one with zeti aziz 

sempat buat kawan baru, sebab performance lama nau,
tapi rasa diri sendiri tua sikit huhu (kawan kita muda betulll)

dah pagi!!! jaa tgh eyeing nok makan apa lagi

promoter muffin?

one with hajarrr

berpagian di hotel, last lah kot. 
eh first and last haha

rajin kita bersiap haha

make use of the stay leklok

photoshoot je lah, sbb tak dpt swimm

jaa kata nak test lari2 pakai jubah

pastu balik bilik sambung membaca (eh ya ke?)

one with the whole batch

the most awkward picture goes to .....
this one! hahah
I look like their mother (the pose and position, I mean) 

Misc (dinner with sisters, dates with bfg-sisters, jalan2, etc)

date ramdev with hairun comelll

date dgn bidadari lagi oemjii,
I doa you jumpa the one whom you deserve soon amiin

wow the essentials 👀

one with syazzzz

bergambar bersama yang lebih tua ehehe

ini pose unik, saya tidak faham

jaa rocks!! kak tikah sopan sentiasa

3 sistersss

cantiknya husnaaa

muka tuu

paksa abang amik gambar 1

gi dental clinic, met this bright and cheerful childd <3

sempat survey rumah luar lepas 'the' news sobs

one with my honeyyy

ni pun tq hanii

date lagi dgn sue perghh kerap betul ahha

tqq offer sushii, lama gila mengidam benda ni huwaaa

menge-chai luuu

jalan pagi with nazira

scene sebelum kena halau ngn pak guard

skill ps nazira hehe

bebola daunnnn

unta pun adooo

malaysian vibes huwaaa

tumkur breakfasttt

tahlil with sistersss

bingka labu by sab and afiqah for our welcoming partayyy

cinnamon roll mantuls by afinaaa

Really

I am writing this post in a new setting, in a wonderful evening and it feels like a breath of fresh air. Literally. I'm kind of preoccupied with my own scattered thoughts, unresolved feelings or generally I guess I can finally say that adulting is hard. Being a grown-up is starting to make me lose some sense and I might have blown up a few 'fuses'. Haha, but worry not, I am still in one piece, I hope?

This is the end of our lengthy and never-gonna-appear-again holiday of 3 weeks duration. And we'll start our final semester in just 2 days. This also marks that the journey is going to be tougher and Pro 2 Exam will be just around the corner- in just a few months. We'll go to class, eat, pray, play, sleep and the cycle repeats until there's no distance between genuine fear of the exam and the exam itself (OMG!!).

Honestly speaking, I took a number of breaks to write this since getting into the feels also require minutes to probably hours. Plus, welcoming in visitors every now and then especially today (Sunday) aka the last day of our holiday is a whole day event. And now, I don't even know what I am going to write about. Haih.

Assalamualaikum and hi people!

Welcome or welcome back to my spellbinding blog teehee.

I don't have a specific title/theme to my post today. But, I do have a quote to share from Twitter. 

'If you're overthinking, write. If you're underthinking, read.'

It is the unwritten rules of producing a piece, that you can never improve by just writing and not reading. And you won't have positive progress by just reading and not writing. It has to be done simultaneously. But forgive me if sometimes I write like a "textbook", because most of the books I'm reading are textbooks haha. Also, I am having a battle with myself that even reading the best-selling book by Yasmin Mogahed within this 3 weeks is a struggle.

Next, let's talk about what's bothering me this past few months. Oh and of course, there'll be plenty of filters, so you might as well assume that my honesty level is set at 70%, maybe?

As far as I can remember, I can never say no. To almost everything. I can never say no to "Can I borrow your homework? Just as a reference, don't worry. Mine's left at home", not knowing they intentionally leave their homework every single day. I can never say no to "You're the best person to fill in this position, I can see your potential. You should go for it!", not knowing that at that time I shouldn't accept any more responsibility because I am a mere human, not an angel with multiple hands or an extra 13 hours to my usual 24 hours a day. I can never say no to, "Can you help me with this? I have to tend to sth more important than this, pleaseee?", not knowing that I am being taken advantage of just because I can never say no. I was that naive. Super naive. Back then. 

Nevertheless, those are the things that helped me grow. These experiences helped me be more mature and taught me that the world is not filled with kindhearted people only. There are those who can accept you as you are but also those who can't stand even the sight of you. But I'm not agreeing to the myth that people should take advantage of other people to help them grow, duh. We're in the 21st century people! Don't be that ignorant!

Anyways, since I should never commemorate the details of the unlucky things that befalls me in the form of sth public and permanent (aka writings in any social media), what I can say is that, this time around, I want to be a different me. I just don't want to be selfless. Just for once, I wanted to be selfish. I wanted to prioritize my feelings before others. I wanted to focus on my wellbeing than others. I wanted to portray that I'm not a mere 'rest-stop' where you can come to when you want and leave as you wish. I wanted to acknowledge that I, too, am able to sparkle without you. And I wanted to stick to my decision despite having to lose sth that used to be precious to me, at least if not others. Because it was painful. And I was scarred. Ask anyone who had experienced the same thing, the answer will be similar. It can never be the same, ever. In all honesty I just, I just wanted to finish this off, and be back for good. Really. :)

Till then, adios!

eidulfitr 2021 - CovEid

Assalamualaikum and hello there!

I've been wanting to write since forever, but God knows how my success rate (in writing blog posts) is undeniably low :(

But, alhamdulillah we're here now! Congratulations dear self! Fyi, one of the reasons of not being able to write was because I was quite occupied living in reality (of being a student and etcetera- do blame Hedwig from Split movie for this). And then I do have this one story of a completely different me, doing sth I never thought I would in the past, but somehow I did it. Ummm, it's not sth terrible, psychic or whatever you thought it may be, but I do not think that I could possibly share this with you guys (if ever you exist, dear readers haha). Because up to this point, I still consider this matter a pretty confidential issue that shouldn't be bragged about. So, what's the point of feeding yguys the introduction to a story that I can never tell? Haha, pardon me for being such a bad storyteller, but when the time comes, who knows I might share this with you? 

Let's get back to the topic, before I deviate any further. Though this is just a promise I made to myself, but I really missed my chance of posting eidulfitr 2020 right? So, to redeem my unfulfilled promise, I'd rather post this late than never. Plus, this shall be my final year celebrating Eid away from Malaysia; in hopes and prayers that I would be able to celebrate Ramadhan & Syawal with my beloved ones next year onwards, amiin.

Shall I start the storytelling with the photos? Hell yeah ;) Enjoy :)))

look at juadah kat rumah, i is rindu rumah sobss

dari jauh pun napok sedap, bakpo huhu

nak ketupat palasssss

mami dedi with cucu(s)

yana & smol family

look at these 3! oemji so kiuttt

patut vc time ni, boleh masuk gambar family heh

but sini macam biasa, raya lambat sehari,
and being a girl, sepanjang hari amik gambor (exaggeration alert!)

the girl squad

and the countless snapshots haha

yuyu datang india haha,
taklah perkenalkan kuja kita

first time buat satay kena flex lah kot haha

the raya dishes, sedap dooh, tq girls

dua orang bidadari

ni photoshoot theme apa sebenarnya ahha

nah, im not the tallest,
tp dlm posting ni nmpk mcm tinggi betul haha,
my frens are cute u see?

malam oso we raya, tq for the open rooms ladies,
tahun depan takde dah open room gini sobs

2nd day raya oso we got photoshoot,
and the countless snapshots again,
of every single one of us,
of mutiple times per person,
normal la kan? (kot)

and presenting husna with the camera-ready poses

Eidulfitr this year surely felt different but momentous. We'll never have the same chance again next year, as we're not living under the same roof like we did for these 5-6 years. These will definitely become one of my most treasured memories :) (kita sambung sedih2 nanti lah hehe, still got a few months to go, fighting!)

But we're not done yet haha. Since I don't trust myself to come back here any time soon, so I'll just compile my last Eiduladha in Belgaum in this post too teehee. 

mcm biasa, malaysia raya dulu

but we raya lambat sehari

ni tanduk apa ya?

yay, lead takbir lagi kat bilik sebelah jerrr

made pulut kuning resepi mami this time

and all the raya dishes,
afina je tak sambut aidiladha camni katanya

me being fed up as waking up to sneezing episodes
whole day long haih, why belgaum so sejuk that day?

uuuu bidadari lagi

another bidadari dari kayangan

mak aii ramainya bidadari turun mencemar duli haha

flexing kasut for no reason?
lol tak flex pun, semua kasut harga mampu milik je.

And that sums up both Eid celebration as a final year student here. The feeling's pretty different this time, ey? It's a mix of everything actually. But, here's to making more memories and to enjoy our life to the fullest- together :)

Anyways, I'm done with my second last posting in my second last semester last Friday. It was kind of brief; the EOP session with Dr K, but I guess I did my best? Enormous thanks to every single teachers, who always give us their best despite the tight schedules and despite the ranks. We're deeply grateful to be learning directly from these dedicated surgeons, and I genuinely believe that we are very blessed with such learning opportunities. Alhamdulillah. And next posting would be Int Medicine, do pray for me yeah? Till then, amigos! (Silencio, Bruno! = You got this! - for reference, go watch Luca hehe) 

Open your eyes

 Assalamualaikum everyone!

Welcome back to this ever-humble blog of mine.

Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah for being the ni'mah of Ramadhan and for being able to celebrate Eid with les batchmates. We had a week of holiday and that too is wonderful :)

For the sake of my forgetfulness, I'll tattoo the memory here. 'Pagi raya' was quite a memory. Since big gatherings are to be avoided, we had our own mini 'jemaah' for Eid Prayer. 

As a bilal newbie, I did feel a lil bit excited to lead the takbir recitation, especially with the aid of a portable microphone. Ececec. It is once in a lifetime experience 🙌, alhamdulillah.

Whilst leading takbir, my heart and mind goes to our brothers & sisters in Pa.Les.Tine. How privileged I must've been to wake up to a warm shower, a brand-new outfit, a feast of Eid cuisine, instead of rubbles, bombs, destroyed house and lost loved ones? How ignorant I am to have lived my 24 years of life joyfully, and to only remember their sufferings only when there's huge attacks, even when their daily lives are questionably comfortable. 😭

Though I am no one to give out advices, I'd say that we'd be shameful human beings if this matter is going to be buried deep down this time around, just like how it has been in the past. The following points are from what I've read, and I'm sharing it here solely for our own improvement. I'm gonna emphasis this again, that I am absolutely no one to give out advices, but I hope that by sharing this, my small voice but a firm stand, is publicized. And that too, is in the name of Allah insyaAllah.

Quoted by Fedtri Yahya (an honourable TV announcer, journalist) in an interview with Tuan Nadir Al-Nuri (a respected activist who lives in Ga.Za), there are a few things that we can do to help our brothers and sisters especially in this tough time.

1. Donate/sedekah to legit channels

    - Do not blindly donate to any account based on their social media accounts' names only

    - It is also our responsibility to ensure that the donation is given to a right channel, so it'll benefit our brothers & sisters

    - Be aware (be like a professional investigation officer), and do thorough research about the NGOs, where the funds go to, what'll they do with the funds, I mean c'mon, it is all at our fingertips!

2. Learn and learn learn about Fa.Les.Tine & Al-Aq.Sa. Wave goodbye to our ignorance and uninformed self.

    - Even if we're only online fighters/warriors, never belittle the power of knowledge

    - Raise awareness about who's right and who's to be blamed

    - If we're not equipped about with facts, how do we fight those biased newspaper, journalists, news anchors?

3. Be grateful and thankful to Allah for this feeling. The feeling of disappointment, anger, helpless and shamed. These are also a gift from Allah, that's so expensive and can never be bought with all the money you have in the world.

    - Look at how many people who are already bored/sensitized with the issue

    - And look at how many people are even interested in this simple-but-zion***-make-it-seem-like-a-complicated issue 🤨

    - May Allah bless us with these 'expensive' feelings throughout our life amiin

4. Never belittle the power of dua. This is the best weapon we're always equipped with.

    - Pray, pray and never stop praying for He is As-Sami' (The All Hearing) and He is Al-Mujib (The One Who Responds)

Never stop sharing about Fa.Les.Tine. The battle is not over yet. And may we be granted with istiqamah and may He accept and see our tiny efforts!! Amiin <3

Done and dusted?

Assalamualaikum readers!

After a few unsuccessful attempts to publish a post, finally we're here! This is exactly why I'm always amazed by the consistency of content creators. I mean, how can you be creative every single day/every other day? Do they breath in creativity 🤯?

Coming back here in Belgaum in the month of Feb 2021, feeling uncertain of what the future holds, was a period of mixed emotions; anxious, happy, sad, confused. Wouldn't deny the fact of having to embrace the emotions over and over again, even up to this date. But, I'd rather not elaborate on this :)

Let's get back to the main topic.

This is again written for future Fadzlin, who might get bored of her own life and wanting to look back at how 'fun'/'successful' her life was haha.

Fyi, my semester 8 out of 10, consists of Orthopedics, Psychiatry, ENT, Ophthalmology & TCM postings. Alhamdulillah 'ala kulli hal, as Orthopedics posting was completed exactly before lockdown was initiated, way back in March 2020. So, my decision to go back to my beloved family in May left me with back to back classes of Psychiatry, ENT, Ophthal and TCM (done during my 8 months 'cuti').

Online classes are definitely technologically-advanced but are never going to achieve the same result as in offline classes. Physical classes comes in package with indirect motivation of friends attending classes in one place, reading/taking notes, answering lecturers' questions. But, online classes force one to be self-motivated, with multiple 'background' tasks waiting to be tended to. By blaming online classes (haha), I would say that ENT posting made me struggled the most. (kenapa nak salahkan diri sendiri, kalau boleh salahkan benda lain haha jkjk)

Just before starting Semester 9 out of 10, we have to complete our offline credit hours for the remaining postings. And so we did. But, bear in mind, that the duration for each postings had to be reduced (tbh, bertambah sebenarnya) to an extent where I had to undergo such mental torture during ENT 🤣 (so dramatic, eh?) To let yguys understand how short the postings are, I'll include the original vs altered physical classes duration.

Psy          - 7 weeks --> 2.5 weeks

ENT        - 3 weeks --> 1 week

Ophthal  - 3 weeks --> 1 week

TCM      - 1 week --> 3 days

I dare not say that other postings are easy-peasy. But as always, when I think that I've got everything under control, there'll be one, that ONE 'annoying' subject, just to wake me up from my dream haha. I mean, this is MD girl! Wake up!

So usually, 1 week is spared for ear, 1 week for nose and 1 week for throat. And that too, is already harsh for my moderate-but-not-slow learning pace (I hope so). But imagine having to learn everything about the ear in 1 day, everything about the nose in 1 day and everything about the throat in 1 day. And! To actually face our end posting assessments right after those 3 days TT. I had trouble with my own brain then huhu. Have you ever feel like you are not able to recollect because all the information are too mixed up, for God's sake. I always imagine that my files (in my brain) are well-labelled, but during ENT, the files are most probably not even registered sob sob. Can you relate?

Anyhow, I was quite happy for the fact that I get to be assessed by Dr S and not You-Know-Who. Haha! Initially, guys, initially. Somehow, I ended ENT with quite a harsh note, a traumatized memory and almost bawled my eyes out post EOP lol.

Can't I just blame the duration, the complicated ENT, and how small are the things I have to comprehend, and how unlikely that ENT is ever likeable? Yes, yes you can girl. You can.

And then, last week, we had our Semester 8 examination. And alhamdulillah, we're officially 5th year now. Feels so surreal though. Of course there's so many things to learn, to experience, to understand, to master, but insyaAllah this will all become a beautiful path that I've come across 😉 

Here's attached are the survivors of the same story, but maybe of different magnitude hehe. Thank you guys for having me all along. (kalau terpaksa pun, terima kasih juga keke).

Till then!

masa ni bahagia lagi, psych mmg seronok

bila visit pusat rehab ni rasa mcm byk je nikmat
kesihatan mental yang Allah pinjamkan

one with the superb psychiatrist, Dr Antonio

tempe style; bersama 'adik-adik' cemerlang, tq gais

ni geng kuat melayan keke

psych described with one picture

gambar pakai headlight penting

ENT mmg tak cukup tidur. Lantai pun bolehlah.

Kalau zoom mungkin boleh nampak mata bengkak.
Tapi ni gambar bersama Dr paling happening in ENT.

Kalau exam dgn Dr ni pun boleh nangis kot

Muka ada senyum sbb dah habis Ophthal!

berakhir dengan TCM,
kan best kalau ada yg nak ajar perubatan Islam kat sini

Ok last pic goes to Zeti Aziz!
Special tribute to my clerking partner,
yang sentiasa memahami, membantu
dan memberi peluang utk shine together gitchew.
Tq babe, tq <3

Edited : Can I brag a little haha. (Baru teringat). Since I was still occupied with my sadness the day after ENT end posting assessment, I was able to complete my scene in an acting project (lah sangat) in just one take! But, it was just one scene lol. I should've won an Oscar award for that man! Hahaha. Unknowingly, I do have the talent but was and am still doubting my hidden talent jkjk. Btw, I've been correcting another drafts, planning to post it in a few days. Stay tuned! (Wow, acahnya saya)

Note to self

Hello people!

I have a new habit now. And that is, writing the draft of the post in my iPad, before deciding whether to share it or not. Fyi, I have another draft on another page, but I decided to complete this draft first. :relaxe

I shall never use this blog as a medium to rant on anyone/anything and I shall never particularly point
out anybody's unethical/ill-mannered acts.
And that is a promise to myself.
Quoting from David Kirsch, 'The worst promise you can break is the one you make to yourself'. Bear that in mind, okay?

With that being said, I wanted to write about my emotional reflex -of yesterday's event. This is purely because letting it out is way better than keeping it in, and I don't want to risk me turning into an 'unrecognisable monster' due to the vain attempt of keeping it all in.

And of course, this time around, you can always skip this post, as I am writing this for future me hehe.
And if ever you've had a slightest doubt about whether 'the future me' will ever come and reread the blog posts, push those doubts away! I am not shy in announcing that I love reading and rereading my blog posts, all the time! (I did just that yesterday night). And I definitely love walking down my memory lane, as a way of distracting and entertaining myself! There's nothing wrong with me right? I mean, I am just a writer who loves her own writing 🤣

Let's get back to my main point.

As a reflex of yesterday's drama, I was quite surprised at first. And I don't deny feeling a lil bit angry/annoyed because of the false claims. But looking back at the false claims, it was most probably because that person is too stressed of his/her current workload. But I don't mean to say that I agree with him/her. Being at home may sound like we've got all the time we have in the world. And that's probably true for some of us. And also true for me, but not all the time. Assuming us having more time than you, doesn't make sense at all.

Logically thinking, do I have 28 hours now per day compared to you? Our responsibilities are different
now. And it's not fair to say, that you know completely how our days look like, or, to even say that you did that because you are confused. I mean, come on! Don't be ridiculous.

I am not in a position to say that you are wrong or damn right, but one(many) thing(s) I know for sure is to:

- never do silly things out of mere emotions

(be it anger, annoyance or envy)

- never voice out your inappropriate comments
(because you can never take back your words, and you don't want these minute things to haunt you for life)
(words can be sharper than knife, sounds right?)
- never assume you understand/know completely about someone else's lives
(but to live yours to the fullest)

And the most important thing would be, why make enemies when we can remain friends?
Even if you can't feel the sparks now (and I don't even want to discuss why did this happened in the first place) why pick a fight when we can remain strangers?

ft a happy me :)
dengan doa semoga terus kuat, positif dan happy!

New Year Q&A

I wish my friends can do this too :)  And I'll do it again 10 years later, just to compare hehe. See you later, 34 years old me 👋 InsyaAllah.

 

1: What did you do in 2020 that you’d never done before?

Stay at home with my family for the longest time, even when I am still a university student.

 

2: Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I never had new year's resolution. I am definitely a true INFJ haha.

 

3: Did anyone close to you give birth?

No. But both of my sisters are currently pregnant. Do pray for them okay?

 

4: Did anyone close to you die?

No. But death rates d/t COVID-19 kept reminding me that mine is always getting nearer, never further.

 

5: What countries did you visit?

Spain, Portugal and Morocco. Alhamdulillah. 

6: What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020

Diligence, perseverance and determination.

 

7: What dates from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

I don't do dates. I'm bad with numbers, really. But I can never forget the day of the repatriation flight in May 2020.

 

8: What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Getting better at being Ciklin to my beloved nieces and nephews?

 

9: What was your biggest failure?

Not able to have only 6 hrs of sleep to consider that I had enough sleep.

10: Did you suffer illness or injury?

Alhamdulillah, no. 

11: What was the best thing you bought?

Cerave Moisturising Cream! It saved my life!

12: Whose behaviour merited celebration?

My family and friends.

13: Whose behaviour made you appalled?

Idk

14: Where did most of your money go?

Shopee and Foodpanda.

15: What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Any good news from my uni.

16: What song will always remind you of 2020?

Any ballad songs will do haha.

17: Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?

Happier(?), maintaining the same weight as before the pandemic and poorer of course.

18: What do you wish you’d done more of?

Sewing and studying.

19: What do you wish you’d done less of?

Sleeping.

20: How did you spend Christmas?

I don't celebrate Christmas. I only celebrate Umar's birthday on Christmas hehe.

21: Did you fall in love in 2020?

With myself, and even more than before.

22: What was your favourite TV program?
Reply 1988 - so many life lessons learnt and very very well portrayed.

 

23: Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

I guess so.

24: What was the best book you read?

Seteguh Gunung Fuji Berdiri by Ustaz Hariri!

25: What was your greatest musical discovery?
I'll not answer this.

 

26: What did you want and get?
Going back home alhamdulillah.

 

27: What did you want and not get?
Elective in any government hospitals or KK.

 

28: What was your favourite film of this year?
Hmm, can't recall a good movie. But I definitely love watching documentaries on Netflix. Those are some good stuffs, and informative too!

 

29: What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
More time with my family. I can never have the same chance again.

 

30: How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020?
Stay at home fashion. You do you.

 

31: What kept you sane? 
Family, friends and keeping myself updated with current news.

 

32: Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
DG Hisham! One of  a kind! Subhanallah.

 

33: What political issue stirred you the most?
Every political issue. 

 

34: Who did you miss?
Patients.

 

35: Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2020.
Life is a mess, but not to the ones who have faith in Him.

 

36: Quote a song lyric that sums up your year
I love singing, but quoting a song lyric? I'll leave the question as it is hehe.

Assalamualaikum.